Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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