I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
