Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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