FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
In America we eat man semen.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
