I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
