1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
