Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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