I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So much rum. So many feels.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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