Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
