Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
