Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
