and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
