i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
