All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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