My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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