I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize