the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
