am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
