please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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