just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize