I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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