i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
