Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
