yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
one two three fourrrrnication!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
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My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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