weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
