drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
