well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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