I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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