Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
