I love black thongs
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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