Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
