I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
