end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
