They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
