I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
