YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
