I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
