I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
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Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
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hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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