please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
