Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
