THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
