Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How naked do you want me to be?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
