Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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