you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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