I just made out with a guy for $7.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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