Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

fuck the hobbit

(301): View more from Maryland

what about unicorns?

(732): View more from New Jersey

fuck those pointy horses

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(248): View more from Michigan

the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like

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(201): View more from New Jersey

You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

birth control should be required to get into college

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(530): View more from California

you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"

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(716): View more from New York

It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke

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(425): View more from Washington

Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.

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