Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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