So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
