she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
