return my video game
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
