we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
