it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There are leaves in my underwear?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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