A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
