i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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