she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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