The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm passing your future prison.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
