I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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