Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
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I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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