is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm sobbing to NWA
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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