when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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