It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
