I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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