I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
