Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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