I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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