i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
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You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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