i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Text me some of your sweat
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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