i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
