i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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