my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
