Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
