Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
