Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
