Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
