I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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