I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
