Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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