she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
