heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
