It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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